in between the ups and downs

Slopes. This entry is about slopes. And equations. I'm kidding.

Suddenly I've realized that everyday is not all about sunshine and daisies. There will be periods of blade-wrist-blood even if the general atmosphere has tested for satisfactory. Yes, even if the show is getting top ratings.

The tangles in the imbroglio are still there. The happiness are mere episodes. The bitterness, just segments. Then there is love, which should govern and direct where the "show" is supposed to be going. The ever-frightening commitment is there to complicate things. Then, there is compassion, companionship, trust, understanding, a bit of deception and an all-star cast.

Welcome to my life. It's far from boring, trust me. 

i'll never get tired of this

Immortal and haunting words from the master of goth, Edgar Allan Poe. Enjoy.

---

"The thousand injuries of Fortunato I had borne as I best could, but when he ventured upon insult, I vowed revenge. You, who so well know the nature of my soul, will not suppose, however, that I gave utterance to a threat.

At length I would be avenged; this was a point definitively settled -- but the very definitiveness with which it was resolved precluded the idea of risk. I must not only punish, but punish with impunity. A wrong is unredressed when retribution overtakes its redresser. It is equally unredressed when the avenger fails to make himself felt as such to him who has done the wrong."

- The Cask of Amontillado, Edgar Allan Poe

saturation is more like it

There. Tests of maturity well on its way to make my life more miserable exciting.

Usually, when I'm pissed at someone, they end up dead and their corpses are usually found on the gutter. I'm kidding! Or am I?

Anyways, my motto in life has always been Nemo Me Impune Lacessit. It's Latin for "Whoever hurts me shall not go unpunished." It came from Edgar Allan Poe's Cask of Amontillado. It was the Montresor's family motto. These immortal and haunting words were emblazoned on the family crest. This infamous crest is similarly chilling as it depicts a foot stepping on the snake that bit it.

I've read the story when I was fourteen and the words just stuck to me. I had adopted the motto ever since. It has been a rule, a personal guide. Whoever hurts me shall not go unpunished.

It's damn intimidating and just might scare people away from messing with me. When they actually do, let's just say I have the means of actualizing this guide in life.

Words become flesh. And blood. Preferably oozing until its owner is exsanguinated.

For years, people have fleeted in fear, dismay and confusion. However, and fortunate at that, I do change. Or mature. Or saturate. Or ferment. Whatever. And there are times that come when I am tempted to go back to the old ways. Then I think of the risks and sacrifices involved. I close my eyes, sigh deeply, count to twenty-three and let it go.

My pride and motto aren't worth another tangle in the imbroglio. Not now.

like, really?

dear blog, kunyari may sense ka. dear blog, bakit lahat ng sentences ko ngayon ay nagsisimula sa "dear"?

dear blog, di ko pa rin ata alam gusto ko.

memories hold me back

... from deleting this account.

Add me at Facebook, friends!

---

To him who know and understands, I actually think it's jinxed if we tell each other openly about such things but I'm willing to take the risk.

So, here it goes...

I love you .

dear blog

Dear Blog,

I know I'm smarter than this.

Just because I have to look stupid doesn't mean I have to be or think like one.

I suddenly hate myself because I know I'm not getting what I deserve... because I'm not doing what I'm supposed to do.

Blog, I will be more responsible.

Love,

Nicai

bakit ba naman kasi

Lechugas.

Bakit ba kasi napakatelenovela ng buhay ko? Telenovelang napakataas ng ratings! Shooocks. Sinisingil na naman ako ng mga kalokohan ko.

For the first time in my life, sinubukan ko maging iresponsable. Cut me some slack. Gahd! Testing lang naman. Oo, mas gusto ko rin kung ano ako dati at kung paano ako mamuhay. Pero dahil sa mga napagdaanan ko, lumawak din ang perspektibo ko sa mundo. Mas naramdaman kong buhay ako, mas natuto ako.

Tumatanda na ako. Alam ko pa rin ang ginagawa ko. Sa mga mapanghusga, wala akong pakialam sa mga iniisip niyo. Responsibilidad ko ang sarili ko at hangga't naniniwala ako sa mga pinaggagawa ko, paninindigan ko ito.

Oo, magulo ako at magulo rin ang buhay ko. Pero I wouldn't have it any other way. Sari-sariling trip lang yan. Okay? Wala akong inaaway, ayt? Peace tayong lahat :D

dapat kasi masasayang entries na lang e!

Gusto ko masasaya ang entries sa lecheng blog na ito bago ak =o mag-birthday.

Shocks di ko na type and friendster. I rarely visit here. Let's all be facebook friends na lang, ok? Mas updated ko yun eh. And mas fun yun!!! :D

to he whose world became mine's

I don't know what to do or feel anymore.

Oh God, please give me a sign. I'm scared more than ever.

dahil ang tanda ko na talaga

Oo. Obyus ba? Malapit na ang debut ko. Pupunta ka ba? E invited ka ba? Bakit mo sinasagot mga tanong ko - ikaw ba kinakausap ko?

---

So ayun, tumatanda akong schizo. Hehehe. Countdown starts... NOW.

finally!

... turning legal.

... the world will be at peace (since i have to be mindful of my actions now because there is that "i can go to jail" factor)

... i can vote!

... i can work!!!

... i can enter into other legal contracts!

... TAO NA AKO!

... alam ko na feeling ng bumagsak :p

... nalaman ko na mga limitasyon at kakayahan ko.

... alam ko na ang tamang balanse sa iba't ibang aspeto ng buhay.

Shooocks. Nagmamature na talaga ako! Woohoo!!! Happy birthday to me talaga! :)

dahil patay na

There was a time na friendster blogs ang buhay ko. Dito ako nakakapagemote, nakikipagcommunicate at kung anu-ano pa.

Pero nagbago na ang ihip ng panahon. Dumating ang mga stalkers, ang mga nanguusisa at bigla kong nahinuha na di magandang venue para maglabas ng sama ng loob ang blogs dito. Marami kasing nagbabasa. Nagugulat na lang ako.

Ang hirap talaga pag pagmamay-ari na rin ng publiko ang buhay mo.

Wala lang. Paranoid lang.

Malapit na ako maging ligal. Di ko alam. At least, ganap na tao na ako. Naranasan ko na bumagsak, masaktan, magmahal, bumagsak, uminom, bumagsak, maliwanagan tungkol sa iba't ibang aspeto ng buhay, bumagsak, maging prof sina Chua at Avecilla, bumagsak, gumawa ng sandamukal ng films, bumagsak, gumawa ng sexy vid, bumagsak, bumagsak at bumagsak.

There. Hahahahaha!

Mahal ko ang mga kaibigan ko. Ergo, invited kayong lahat sa debut ko. *ngiti*

masyado ng magulo

Ang oras di lang tumatakbo, paminsan-minsa'y napagtritripan na rin nitong mandaya - kaya lagi na lang ito nananalo.

Ang mga pagkakamali, tumatambak na.

Ang mga araw, di na pwedeng balikan.

Ang mga gabi, di na pwede ibalik.

Ang mga ngiti, mahirap takpan.

Ang mga luha, mas magandang pagmasdan matuyo.

At para mawala ang luha, mga luha rin ang pinanghuhugas.

Dahil magulo na.

Dahil wala ng nakakaintindi.

Malamang, pati na ng Diyos.

bec the last thing i need is confirmation

Screw Doreen I blame Doreen for my current melancholy.

Darn.

I mean, really. I've always wanted to disprove the claims of my schizophrenia but really, not this way.

Cheers. Here's to another weird and ambiguous post.

Must love them.

PS I am now going to be famous worldwide.

because behind it all, there's still a hint of love left (whatever kind of love that may be)

After all the emo posts, the bashing, the reform, the nights and days and afternoons, happinness is still possible.

I was kind of surprised myself. I guess there's still that in the world.

But I'm kind of scared of extreme happiness, you know. I have this mentality that after a happy exprience, it will be followed by a sad one with the same kind of degree or intensity.

I wish I wasn't so paranoid.

yet there's that reason to smile

And I just hope and pray that you'll save me.

Please do. I badly need you.

---

Comfort in your strangeness

-Cynthia Alexander-

woke up this morning

I was staring at the ceiling

Cracks and roadmaps and highways and landscapes

I have seen

I have been

to places far and deep in my mind

only to find

Comfort in Your Strangeness

Of moving shadowss

when I call the wind by name

rushing Firewater in the dark of a cloud

I have seen

I have been

to places far and deep in my mind

only to find

comfort in Your Strangeness

we are slaves to the crimes we commit

in fits of passion we shame

we are nothing

we are nothing

we are nothing

we are nothing but

the dust on Your feet

dying to be born again

singing Ether Water Fire singing Earth Singing Air

I have seen

I have been

to places far and deep in my mind

only to find

Comfort in Your Strangeness

I have seen

I have been

to places far and deep in my mind

only to find

Comfort in Your Strangeness

and yes, i perfectly understand if you think i've gone mad now

... Because I dunno, maybe I want more than revenge. At the same time, I'm asking myself if all this is worth it. What will I gain, really?

Though it feels good to know that I don't belong to the losing side, that I really can't empathize. I've been there and know how awful it feels. I've got what I asked for. It's exactly what I asked for yet, I still suffer... Just a bit compared to you, at least. All I have to do is listen to your crap, after all.

---

"There's A Good Reason These Tables Are Numbered Honey. You Just Haven't Thought Of It Yet"

-P!ATD-

Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.
From that moment you'll be out of place and underdressed.
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...

Please, leave all overcoats, canes and top hats with the doorman.
From that moment you'll be out of place and underdressed.
I'm wrecking this evening already and loving every minute of it.
Ruining this banquet for the mildly inspiring and...

When you're in black slacks with accentuating, off-white, pinstripes
Whoa, everything goes according to plan.

I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it.
Because you say so under your breath.
You're reading lips "When did he get all confident?"

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
Never looked better, and you can't stand it

Next is a trip to the, the ladies room in vain, and
I bet you just can't keep up with, (keep up) with these fashionistas, and
Tonight, tonight you are, you are a whispering campaign.
I bet to them your name is "Cheap", I bet to them you look like shh...

Talk to the mirror, oh, choke back tears.
And keep telling yourself that "I'm a diva!"
Oh and the smokes in that cigarette box on the table,
they just so happen to be laced with nitroglycerin.

I'm the new cancer, never looked better, you can't stand it.
Because you say so under your breath.
You're reading lips "When did he get all confident?"

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
Never looked better, and you can't stand it

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
I've never looked better, and you can't stand it

Haven't you heard that I'm the new cancer?
I've never looked better, and you can't stand it

And I know, and I know, it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up.
I've never been so surreptitious, so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch.

And I know, and I know, it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up.
I've never been so surreptitious, so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch.

And I know, and I know, it just doesn't feel like a night out with no one sizing you up.
I've never been so surreptitious, so of course you'll be distracted when I spike the punch.

the supposed freedom that comes with being free

I'm free, so says the constitution and the status of being single. I can shout, kick, cuss as much as I want and won't give an effing care about what people say.

The problem with me is, I'm too kind and it would take me a while before I realize that I'm mad and should've told you off or something.

So there.

Shut the fuck up. You can't dictate what I think, what I say and who I bash. You don't own me.

I can bash as much as I want, low as it may sound. I'm being a hedonist for a while, see and I do whatever makes me feel better, whatever makes me happy.

I can call anyone a bitch and if you're affected, hurt or wold just like to cry, honestly darling, I couldn't care less.

Now, all I have to do is say all these to your face. Hmm, maybe when you're less fragile and less pathetic.

---

Thank you, fellow bashers and all those others who have motivated me and made me realize how stupid I can be. I need a good slap of harsh reality every once in a while. Keep on slapping me if I don't keep up with the improvement. You have my consent, really... I'd rather be an ice queen than a pool of tears.

reminiscent, highly defined and utterly confused

Ooh I love Cherry Lips. Don't you? It reminds me of Belinda by Anne Rice. Gaaah! Speaking of this famed vampire chronicles author, I so want to have a copy of the Beauty Trilogy. Only read a few chaps of the first installment, The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty and I was like, I need to have thiiiis! So there.

Here's Cherry Lips, btw.

---

Cherry Lips

-Garbage-

She gave you everything she had
But she was young and dumb
She'd just turned twenty-one
She didn't care to hang around
So when the shit came down
Why she was nowhere to be found
This life can turn a good girl bad
She was the sweetest thing
That you had ever seen

You're such a delicate boy
In the hysterical realm
Of an emotional landslide
In physical terms

With your cherry lips and golden curls
You could make grown men gasp
When you'd go walking past them
In your hot pants and high heels
They could not believe
That such a body was for real
It seemed like rainbows would appear
Whenever you came near the clouds would disappear
Because you looked just like a girl
Your baby blues would flash
And suddenly a spell was cast

You hold a candle in your heart
You shine the light on hidden parts
You make the whole world wanna dance
You bought yourself a second chance

Go Baby Go Go
We're right behind you
Go baby Go Go
Yeah we're looking at you
Go baby Go Go
Aw we're right behind you
Go Baby
Go Baby
Yeah we're looking at you
Go

oh please, please, please be my saving grace

Shared habits indeed are funny.

Oh please, please, please be my saving grace. I need you now more than ever.

Gah it's so hard to blog when I have to filter things.

*sighs*

Sunsets, phantom thieves, red roses, strings and breaks in between... All ephemeral and deliberately clandestine.

reviews, pun intended

Been living off movies and libre to death for the past week or so.

Windstruck, the prequel of My Sassy Girl, almost made me cry. Dammit! *sings* So won't you staaay just a little bit looongeeeeer! Gusto ko rin ng katampisawan sa ulan!

Watched 1408. Read reviews of it and said it was good and i thought it would be scary but it wasn't. Kudos to the special effects and cinematography, though.

Also watched Daywatch. Just a BIG reminder: DON'T and I mean DON'T watch this if you're not aware of Nightwatch and you walk into the movie house in the middle of the film. If ever you do arrive in the middle, I suggest you sleep until the end and wait for the next screening so you could hear the narration and explanation at the beggining. It's the effing missing piece of the puzzle that would tie up everything. Trust me. This is based on experience.

Movies on our list: Get Smart, Stardust, Korean Film Festival at UPFI... er and what are the others?

Now, for the batian portion! Thanks to my blockmates for the Friuli panlilibre! Also to my fellow bashers, who makes libre whenever opportunities present themselves. I love them to death. Oooh and of course to my lovable little brother, who gave me transpo, my tita Lucy, who "donated" 50 bucks, Tito Ramil, Tita Caye, Tita Rona, Juami and Lila, who accompanied me to SM Manila and made commuting so much more bearable, Dadi, Tito Dennis and Mami, who are responsible for my spend-less trip to and fro Rotonda... and of course, to my other brother (the non-filial one at that) who have been spending for me since our reunion. Really. Thank you guys for putting up with me even if I'm this horrible, horrible biatch. *hugs and kisses everyone* I love you all!  :D

like the first time

There's something v sweet about Lifehouse's new music video. There were lovers here, lovers there, lovers fooling around and such. *sighs*

Was swooning the whole time while watching the new music vid but when the song finally came to a halt and the last scene faded out, I blurted, "Aaaaw... Magbrebreak din kayo lahat! Bwahahaha!"

>;p

---

I like this song better, though. It's bittersweet - just the way I like it.

Bittersweet - in Filipino, pait at tamis, pinagsamang lungkot at ligaya.

Okay, tama na ang drama at heto na ang kanta. Enjoy!

Hey Jealousy

-Gin Blossoms-

Tell me do you think it'd be all right
If I could just crash here tonight
As you see I'm in no shape for drivin'
And any way I 've got no place to go

And you know it might not be that bad
You were the best I ever had
I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago
I might no be alone

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found to take its place

Hey jealousy
Hey jealousy
Hey jealousy
Hey jealousy

You can trust me not to drink
And not to sleep around
And if you don't expect too much from me
You might not be let down

'Cause all I really want's to be with you
And feel like I matter too
If I didn't blow the whole thing years ago
I might be here with you

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found to take its place

Hey jealousy
Hey jealousy
Hey jealousy
Hey jealousy

Tomorrow we can drive around this town
And let the cops chase us around
The past is gone but something might be found to take its place

Hey Jealousy
Hey Jealousy...

Listen to my heart
There's only one thing I can start

aksidente

Di ito inaasahan at di ito ginugusto.

Sabi ng iba, tulak din daw ng tadhana. Sabi ng iba, may dahilan, may sanhi at bunga.

Pero parang ang gulo di ba? Pano mo malalaman kung aksidente o tinadhana ang isang pangyayari?

Tsaka lahat ba ng aksidente ay di maganda? Pano kung sa huli'y ginusto mo na ito at inisip na maaaring gawa na ito ng tadhana?

Pero paano rin kung ayawan mo na ito? Paano kung napagisip-isip mo na di talaga nabibilang sa buhay mo ang aksidente at hanggang aksidente na lang ito?

Paano kung naulit ang aksidente? Aksidente pa rin ba ang tawag dun o katangahan na?

mahal ko na ang aircon buses

Mas mahal ko na ngayon ang aircon buses kumpara sa fx.

Mas maluwag at garantisadong gumagana ang aircon. Minsan kasi, ang fx ay parang oven... Siksikan pa...Kadalasan, sa ibabaw pa dumadaan kaya natatrapik.

Ergo, lagi na akong magbubus.

---

Ang kantang ito ay tumutugtog sa aircon bus na sinakyan ko nung pauwi na ako. Share ko lang haha. Nakaka-lss eh...

Careless Whisper

-George Michaels-

Time can never mend the careless whispers of a good friend
To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind
there's no comfort in the truth
pain is all you'll find

Should've known better

I feel so unsure
as I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor
as the music dies, something in your eyes
calls to mind the silver screen
and all its sad good-byes

I'm never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend
and waste the chance that I've been given
so I'm never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you

Time can never mend
the careless whispers of a good friend
to the heart and mind
ignorance is kind
there's no comfort in the truth
pain is all you'll find

I'm never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend
and waste this chance that I've been given
so I'm never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you

Never without your love

Tonight the music seems so loud
I wish that we could lose this crowd
Maybe it's better this way
We'd hurt each other with the things we'd want to say

We could have been so good together
We could have lived this dance forever
But noone's gonna dance with me
Please stay

And I'm never gonna dance again
guilty feet have got no rhythm
though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool

Should've known better than to cheat a friend
and waste the chance that I've been given
so I'm never gonna dance again
the way I danced with you

(Now that you're gone) Now that you're gone
(Now that you're gone) What I did's so wrong
that you had to leave me alone

at nasabi ko lang sa sarili ko... 2 storya

Eto, eto na yun. Maaayos na ang buhay ko sa wakas.

Pero hindi pala.

Nagbigay muli ang tadhana ng isang pagkakataon.

Eto, eto na talaga yun. Sa pagkakataong ito, aayusin ko na ang mga dapat ayusin.

Pero hindi na naman.

Pero ngayon, iba na...

At sa wakas, nangyari na ang mga nararapat, nabitawan na ang mga salitang dapat sambitin at higit sa lahat, nagkaroon ng kasunduan. Kung para ito sa tama, sa mas nakabubuti, panahon lang ang makakatulong sa paghusga.

---

Nung wednesday, medyo nagdadrama ako. Bakit? Marami lang talagang madramang nangyayari sa buhay. Eto ang text message na sinend ko sa COF (Circle of Friends, group text sa KNN Manila Bureau, exclusive to senior reporters only.) ...

"Sabi ni Kurt Cobain, isang henyong musikero, no one dies a virgin because life fucks us all...

Naniniwala ako dun. May mga pagkakataong gusto mo lang magwala dahil kung anu-anong laro ang binabato sa'yo ng buhay at tadhana. Tapos, ang problema pa d'yan, di mo alam kung paano lumaban, kasi di mo alam pinaglalaban mo... Kasi di mo alam kung ano ang gusto mo..."

ano ba kinakain ng mga dolphins?

Mahal ko si Lego, ang aking Facebook fluff friend... pero maarte siya sa pagkain.

Pakisagot nga - ano ba kasi ang kinakain ng mga dolphin na maaarte? Yun lang naman.

---

Pag nahanap ko na cp ko, ipopost ko dito yung ma-emo na sinend ko sa COF (KNN Manila's Circle of Friends text group) nung isang araw.

Btw, ang featured friends ko po ngayon ay mga COFmates ko. Mahal ko silang lahat. Nagbabalak kaming gumawa ng account dito. Bahala na. Pag maluwag na ang skedyul *ngiti*

dahil pag stressed ka daw

Marami kang ginagawa. Magkagalit kayo ng laptop mo dahil di nya marecognize ang wifi sa bahay nyo. Oo, hotspot ang bahay nyo pero kahit ganun, biglang umepal ang laptop. Tapos ang dami mong groupworks at puro majors ka ngayon. Yung nag-iisa mong GE ay parang major na rin bilang 3 hours sya. Naka-ilang absent ka na rin sa terror mong prof. Ang daming trahedyang nangyari sa mga nakalipas na araw at higit sa lahat, hindi na normal ang sleeping pattern mo at kinakatulugan mo ang lahat ng katext mo.

Eto pa...

Hindi mo pa tapos ang fanfic mo at galit na ang readership mo.

Naasar na ang manager mo dahil isang buwan ng delay ang script mo.

Nag-back-out ang interviewee mo.

Laging sumasakit ang batok mo.

... Ano ang solusyon dito?

MANUOD NG HAIRSPRAY! :) At magpakaligaw ng ilang araw sa piling ng mga taong tunay mong mahal *ngiti*ngiti*

Mahal ko ang mga kaibigan ko! Etong post na ito ay para sa inyo. Di ko na kayo kailangan pangalanan. *kindat*

colloids, the tyndall effect and trinoma jungle mist

Been v happy yesterday for several reasons. And no, this isn't like my Multiply's oxytocin post. *remembers readership's reaction and shudders*

I should post ratings on my blog posts, really. Like, PG or R-18 or Not suitable to those who are eating while reading this ooor Not advisable to be read by those whose dead fish were flushed down the toilet. Yeah, something like that.

Well, I'm just happy because I saw a lot of people that I know yesterday! I dunno. Saying hi to people makes me happy. And no, wala akong plano kumandidato. Yung tipong naglalakad ka mag-isa o kahit may kasama sa SC o AS o FC tapos may makakasalubong ka na kilala mo and magkakawayan kayo o magngingitian sa isa't isa. Yung ganun. Malay ko. Masaya ako sa mga ganung encounters

Tally:

SC - 4

Philcoa - 2

FC - 3

AS - 2

CMC - everyone?

Ang saya lang, kasi yan yun tipo na mag-isa ka tapos dahil ang daming bumabati sa'yo at ang dami mong nakikitang kilala mo, you don't feel the least bit lonely. *ngiti*ngiti*

Hahaha. Ayun lang. Aaaat tsaka syempre, maganda rin kasi gising ko *kindat sa COF* Aaaat di ako pinagalitan kahit 10pm na ako umuwi *kindat sa kasama* Tapos, ang saya lang talaga. Ay ewan. Nasa mood tuloy ako for charity at ibalik ang kasiyahang nadarama ko.

Hmm... Anong kemikal naman kaya sa katawan ko ang responsable dito? Endorphins di ba? Hahaha... Malay...

it's the effing weather! (why wouldn't anyone believe me?)

And then there was facebook.

And notes. Death threats Hate notes, more specifically.

And break-ups.

And bashing.

And Friuli and SM and Tea Room and Blades of Glory and most importantly, Detective Conan stickers.

Life's been pretty sweet lately.

If it's about to get sour, I'd give you something to cry about, really..

---

Bro, it did not hurt. I repeat - it did not effing hurt. It kinda stung. Like an ant bite. Or an enemy's pinch. Or a papercut.

Papercuts don't bleed, you know.

... Or maybe I just don't care the way I used to.

i don't back out on dares, you know

Here it is. Now give me my thousand bucks!

What is Draco Malfoy to me? He is unattainable, he is from a completely different world, and he is someone I don’t want to need. He’s an addiction; a curse—my curse

- Hermione Granger, Defiance by FortunaMinor

The complete story can be found here.

Special thanks to contraveritas!

among others

Randomness is love. Here's why...

---

I've brought Mikki to school for the past four or five tuesdays... To no avail. F102 is as twisted as it can get. It's sort of our free period, actually.

---

Sef says rain is the sin of abundance. From now on, my favorite sin is the sin of rain :D (At dahil hindi sya talaga kasalanan, parang di ako nagkasala in the first place bwahaha)

---

Mantra ngayon: Outward solemnity, inner turbulence. Outward hotness, inner coldness. For more pagdradrama nina Sef at Hans. :p

---

HAHAHAHAHA ang daming depressed ngayon! (At masaya pa ako dahil dun?!) Kasi...

---

Nga pala, may wed lunch club na kami nina Lianne, Victoria at Edgar. Bagong miyembro namin si Mik Gino. Ang objectives ng aming club? Alternative therapy to broken hearts! *ngiti*ngiti* We meet every wednesdays, after our soc.scie3 class.

---

Every J101, feel ko ang tanga-tanga ko. Pero pero pero may uno na akong paper kay Ma'am Chua! Sa wakaaas!

---

Sa awa ng Diyos, ang exam ko sa Comm100 na di ko pinagreviewhan ay naka-1.5 pa. Salamaats.

---

Ang dami ko dapat ginagawa na di ko pa nagagawa. Ang iresponsable ko lang ngayon ah :p Sige, try ko wag mag-internet for a week. Kaya ko ito!

---

Sana buhay pa ako after a week.

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Sana lang naman. :]

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May napaka-interesante akong blog post sa multiply. Tungkol sa ga panaginip! Read it while it's hot!

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Buti pa ang saging, may puso at higit sa lahat, di nagrereklamo! Saging lang ang may pusoooo!

HAHAHA! Benta talaga usapan ng COF nung sunday!

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Mukhang mapapasabak ako sa sulatan nito. I'll shed light on this pag sure na talaga ako.

---

Yun muna. Kailangan na talagang gumawa ng mga dapat gawin.

---

PS ang sayaaa! Yun lang. Ano ang masaya? Comments ni Bea sa multiply, among others.

seriously! you need to see this!

I compiled my childhood pix and posted them at my multiply site.

You can view them here.

Ang cuuute ko!!! As in! :D Kamukha ko si Boo sa Monsters, Inc. At napaghalataan kong bata pa lang ako ay mahilig na ako mag-dress-up/palit2 ng damit at magmodel. Hahaha. Oo, pati yung mahahalay type. Gah! I guess some things never change :p

now that i've gotten that out of the way...

I blog at multiply now. Don't worry, readership. I would still update this blog. I just love the strikethrough feature of this one. (It's probably the only thing friendster have that multiply doesn't.)

However, I do advise you to add me as a contact since a lot of posts there are for my contacts only.

So, here it is.

---

Life's been fun *big smile*

call this disillusionment

Let this be the last open letter that I'll write for you. Expect this to be totally incoherent. I know how our brains work.

I don't even think about you anymore. Except for a while ago when I came from this talk and the speaker was preaching about self-image and self-worth. I wish you have heard what he said. I know it would help in curing you. Yes, you do have a condition. And I still pray for you every night.

I saw you walking away a while ago. Maybe it would end with that - with you walking away. I can't believe that I've forgotten to tell you how I chose you over him... I was calling out to him, I was following him and I think he had his earphones on and the music was a bit too loud. I kept on calling out and he wouldn't answer. Then you approached me. You didn't really came up to me, you were just standing there, with your arms folded as you stood near the unused fountain. I still remember what I was wearing that day. It was the maroon top and the tight, white mini. And you had that black winter outfit that I just adore on you. You weren't even smiling. You had a brow raised and you looked impatient. Then I forgot about him and ran to you. Yes, ran. Almost bumped into him when I finally reached wherever it was you were standing on. Just waved a quick goodbye and that was it. You accompanied me after that as you asked where I have been...

Fastforward to today. It was the same thing, only this time, we were at a different venue and we were wearing different clothes. Only this time, you were walking away. And for good, I hope.

I'm not the girl you fell in love with. Ever, I think. Or probably not anymore. She was such a character, wasn't she? It's almost as if she stepped out from some chick lit. And you, being - well, you, gladly jumped into a novelette with her. And you created such wonderful stories, chapter after chapter of cognitive dissonance, possessive, obssesive, wonderful love, and sex (of course). But that isn't really me. Or maybe I just changed. Or maybe that wasn't you either. Or maybe the real world just caught up with us.

I had fun in our own little world, though. It's nice to reminsce from time to time. Then sometimes I also think that maybe it would be better if the past several months didn't happen at all (It's been months? Really?! OH. NO. Maybe you're right. We should be married by now.) It is kinda better, I think, if we could pretend that nothing ever happened. I know thinking that wouldn't change anything but maybe that way, we could co-exist more peacfully. Just maybe.

If you ever find out that I've doodled and wrote in your notebook again and you read what I wrote, then, well, I don't feel that way anymore. I'm sorry. Feelings are just transient. And you know this v well. I did feel that way when I was writing it but now, it's just different. I just don't see you that way anymore and I don't feel... much. Nothing at all. And this isn't just something that I tell myself so I could feel better or whatever. It's different this time. This time, I mean it. This time, I know.

I'm still thankful for everything and I wish that you be cured of your condition. I wish that you have made peace with God, and everyone else. I wish you could see Him the way I'm seeing Him now. I wish you get better. I really do because once upon a time, you loved me when I can't even love myself. And I'll always be thankful.

But everything's different now. We live in this world and we have to comply ourselves to certain rules and obligations. You have your world, I have mine. As I've said, it just won't work out. A long time ago, I thought it would but now, the possibility is bleak. Because you see, it isn't just you. It's also a two-letter word that starts with M and ends with E.

Hey, we could still be friends. Maybe one day, we could still hang out like we used to, watch a movie, have dinner, fuck, pull pranks on innocent mall-goers and just be as crazy as we want be. Maybe. Someday. But not now. I request for distance. I hope you don't mind. Spending some time apart might be nice. Please give me my peace. Please? Just, I dunno, be out of my life for a while. And I mean this. And I know it's hard. There will be times when I'd just worry if you need someone to act as your human emotional garbage can or toilet or whatnot. And I'd worry, really - it's just that maybe I need less of that for now. Maybe it's better if you are watching me from a distance. So be it. Let me be and let me live my life. Away from you, even just for now.

I've been disillusioned. I think it's that. You're just not what I'm looking and waiting for. You aren't. You are the next, best thing but I think - no, I know that I deserve the best. You said so yourself, remember?

I'm not sure if I'll miss you, your highness.

This is goodbye, then?

For now?

Someday, maybe we could meet up and I dunno, just catch up with each other's lives or whatever. Maybe a novelette about us will be published by then and we could laugh about how silly and stupid we were. And this isn't hopeful or wishful thinking. This isn't one of the many promises you've heard either. It's just something that I know. It just will be.

Well, thank you. Just because. And goodbye, your highness.

Ms. Fling-er Lickin' Good

Must. Love. Wednesdays.

Been treated out by friends again. At Friuli's this time. Then it was Ate Ros' birthday so she made pakain as well (gaah so cono)

Love wednesdays. Loveit. Loveit. Loveit.

---

Oh, I wasn't really the Ms. Fling-er Lickin' Good for our Soc.Scie.3 class (the contest was for boys so like, duh) I just took home the sash.

PS Ronin was crowned Mr. Ulti-Mate.

*looks at mirror and reenacts Sa Amin Lang*

This sash looks better than the other one.

PS (again) Still Life was so good :) Ang ganda ng twist sa dulo! Loveit! And lovable pa ng characters!

between letting go and moving on

For more madrama lang na title...

Mamaya ko na ito ieedit. Marami ako binabasa. Grabe, ka-lss talaga yung bagong kanta ng FOB. Loveit. It's so bagay!

you say this song suits me? more like, us, really...

Baby, seasons change but people don't.
And I'll always be waiting in the back room.
I'm boring but overcompensate with
Headlines and flash, flash, flash photography.

But don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
Don't pretend you ever forgot about me.

Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?
Style your wake for fashion magazines.
Widow or a divorcee?
Don't pretend, d-d-d-don't pretend.

We don't fight fair!
We don't fight fair!

They say your head can be a prison.
Then these are just conjugal visits.
People will dissect us till
This doesn't mean a thing anymore.

Don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
Don't pretend you ever forgot about me.

Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?
Style your wake for fashion magazines.

Widow or a divorcee?
Don't pretend, d-d-d-don't pretend.

We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.
We're trapped and well concealed in secret places, woah.
We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.
We're trapped and well concealed in secret places
We don't fight fair!
We don't fight fair!
We don't fight fair!
We don't fight fair!
We don't fight fair!

We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.
We're dropped and well concealed in secret places, woah.
We do it in the dark with smiles on our faces.
We're dropped and well concealed in secret places.
We don't fight fair!
With smiles on our faces.
We're dropped and well concealed in secret places.
We don't fight fair!

Don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
We don't fight fair!
Don't pretend you ever forgot about me.
We don't fight fair!

-THE TAKE OVER, THE BREAK'S OVER-

FOB

---

May I just say that it's very apt. Haha you're so right.

---

Watch the vid of this song here.

meet mary angela

072507

1330

Doreen, Pet, Ronin and I were at the grandstand and while Ronin was deciding if he would bitch-bash, Doreen asked quite a strange question.

"Pet! Pet! Pag bibigyan mo si Ronin ng bagong name, ano iyon?"

"Edgar." Pet laughed. "Pwede ring Dennis! O Gio!"

We all laughed. Then, it was my turn.

"Angela." She said and I thought, wtf? May parallelism ba dito? Lol.

"Sounds so virginal." said Doreen. "Hindi bagaaay!"

"Mary!" exclaimed Pet. "Mary Angela!!!"

Geez. So there. I have a new name.

Btw, Doreen now goes by Lianne and Pet's Victoria. So ayun. Ayan na ang mga bago naming pangalan.

---

PS watched The Simpsons movie a while ago. Laugh trip siya. If you're depressed, stressed or just want to undress (I'm kidding, lol) just grab a friend (Preferably a hot one from the opposite sex; Now that explains the undressing.... Kidding!) and watch this movie. Pampasaya talaga siya.

A reminder to all boys and girls: Please do turn off your mobile phones while watching. While it may distract other viewers, unwanted and unexpected overseas call may also disrupt your viewing pleasure. Thank You.

and this is the second time! geez!

Someone hacked into my account... again! Geez. Well, give and take.

*long sigh*

This has happened before, actually. Never really caught the evildoers who were responsible. I'm betting it's the CIA. Lol. They're still a bit mad about the HP7 thing, aren't they?

after the dark ages of "i don't know"

I have no effing idea what happened to friendster blogs yesterday. I have no effing idea at all. So, I blogged at multiply instead! And it was fun, fun fun! Andaming features like there's a poll, etc. And mas fun dun kasi wala kang takas. Pag viniew mo page ng isang tao, or isang specific post, lagot ka. Kasi walang invi mode dun. Bwahahaha! And it gives you an idea of who your readers are.

So, eto po ang multiply site ko!

Sagutin niyo yung poll ah!

<-- Kami ni Freya nung debut ni Abi sa Gazebo Royale. Di ko pa nauupload mga scavenged pix eh. Di pa kumpleto. Kaya eto, mga previews muna.

Ay. Blurred. Korni. Hahaha. My goodness, sige nga! Hanapin nyo kung asan ako jan! 

Naalala ko lang, nung nagsimula ng paganahin yung mist machine (na nasa taas lang ng table namin) kala ko napenetrate na ng ulan yung bubong (it looked flimsy, really) so nilabas ko na yung payong ko. And my classmates were like, "NOOOOO, NICAAAAAAI! YUNG MIST MACHINE YUN!" sabay turo sa taas. At ayun nga ang mist machine. Kasi, bakit pa nagtransform sa liquid form yung mga iba eh. Nanisi? Hahaha!

---

Ang saya lang talaga lately. Wala na ang stress. I feel that my life is back on track.

Ah, btw, iniiendorse ko nga pala ang blog ni Pet. Nakakatawa talaga sya, as in. Naririnig ko nga boses nya habang binabasa ko eh. Tsaka may mga entries dun na napapakanta na lang ako ng, "Memories, all along in the moonlight!" Ay. Mali ba lyrics? Sige, "Thnks fr th mmrs" na lang. Haha. Medyo reminisce mode nga ako kahapon. Nakakamiss din kahit papaano pero I won't give up what I have right now for what I had back then. Di ba di ba di ba? :D

transmorgrification

I'm happy to say that I'm very much happy (lol, redundant) and very much in love. Took me a while to realize things. I've never felt so loved before, really...

He calls me love. He calls me princess. He promised never to leave me and I never felt so much secure. He never breaks a promise, after all. He is amazing. He is wonderful. He is everything I ever wanted and more.

I would like to share with you guys our song.

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"Everything You Want"

-Vertical Horizon-

Somewhere there's speaking
It's already coming in
Oh and it's rising at the back of your mind
You never could get it
Unless you were fed it
Now you're here and you don't know why

But under skinned knees and the skid marks
Past the places where you used to learn
You howl and listen
Listen and wait for the
Echoes of angels who won't return

[Chorus]
He's everything you want
He's everything you need
He's everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
He says all the right things
At exactly the right time
But he means nothing to you
And you don't know why

You're waiting for someone
To put you together
You're waiting for someone to push you away
There's always another wound to discover
There's always something more you wish he'd say

[Chorus]

But you'll just sit tight
And watch it unwind
It's only what you're asking for
And you'll be just fine
With all of your time
It's only what you're waiting for

Out of the island
Into the highway
Past the places where you might have turned
You never did notice
But you still hide away
The anger of angels who won't return

[Chorus]
I am everything you want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you
That you wish you could be
I say all the right things
At exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and I don't know why
And I don't know why
Why
I don't know

it's one of those pointless posts again. sheesh

I'm currently waiting for my photographers to upload the pictures taken from our shoot at Gazebo Royale yesterday.

But I have this feeling that they're still all asleep. Tsk tsk tsk. Must be all that wine.

:D

I'm still so happy! I love my new model/actress life.

probably my first ever entry that narrates my day

This is probably one of the looooongest days I had so far. I. Can. Remember.

It started out last Friday, really. Went to my Film112 class at one, went home at exactly four, got all dressed up for the requiem mass of Mrs. Pascua and flew to STC around five.

I looked so respectable. I swear. I even almost forgot that I'm this evil, evil queen of deception. Anyways, everyone there was like, "Oh, you grew up so fast!" and "Dalaga ka na!" and "Gumaganda ah! Buti na lang, di nagmana sa nanay"... But the most common comment wasn't a comment at all, rather, a peck or a squeeze in the cheeks. And yes, they all did say that I grew up beautifully. (Wag po tayo mayabangan; Nagnanarrate lang po)

All my GS teachers were there and so were my HS teachers. Was happy to see, well, everyone, actually. All of the teachers and alumnae made me feel like I'm home again and made me remember who I was and all.

Around nine that night, we went to Razons Banawe for dinner and I paid for my meal. (My mom forgot to bring money! Gah!)

We went home around ten and I stayed up all night online, talking to Doreen (loves her, really) Ivy, BA, Judd, Keisei, Aileen and other people. Slept at two.

---

Next day, woke up at six. Slept again.

Woke up at seven. Slept again.

Woke at eight. Shouted loungs out and started to panic and frantically stuffed two "change outfits" for the events that I would attend.

Arrived around half past nine at STC for the STAA (St. Theresa's Alumnae Association) General Assembly. I was the batch representative for '06 and was the youngest alumna. I discovered that Ronnie Velasco, director and writer for the movie, Inang Yaya, was a Theresian. The director for the Cinemalaya entry, Still Life, was also a Theresian. Cecile Guidote-Alvarez, founder of PETA, was also a Theresian. Owner or Jollibee Banawe was also a Theresian. Grabe. Parang soro ang STAA. We're everywhere talaga!!!

And knowing about all these people reaffirmed my belief in myself. I too can make a difference in this world. As a Theresian, I should let my let shine and be a blessing. Tagline e! hehehe

Oh yeah, may website na ang STAA.

Meeting ended at half past twelve. (Won in the raffle! Won a book entitled Biyaheng FX! Author, who's also a Theresian, signed it! Yay!)

Took a taxi with Ate Frances, batch rep of '02, to the office. Arrived at office at exactly one. Had the focus group discussion with Ate Aloy, our former bureau manager and also, with Bea Lee, Anj, Hanna. Topic was about sex and the church. (At may isyu pa na late dumating ang inorder naming lunch from Chowking!)

Finished FGD around three. Bea went home, leaving Ate Astrid, Hanna and I to shoot. So around four, we went around the CP Garcia playground and started MOS-ing people. Wow. Ang dali hatakin ng mga tao that day! Amazing talaga! Tapos we went to Vinzons, where Hanna took a jeep to meet with her Aunt sa Crossings. So it was just me and Ate Astrid who met Pet at Vanguard for the interview.

Around five, we interviewed Pet at the hall near Cine Adarna. We finished in an hour and went back to the office.

We unpacked, I put some make-up on and went to Philcoa an hour later, where K.Lim was waiting for me. She took me to Gazebo Royale. This was where Abi's debut was celebrated.

---

The Gazebo Royale was... magical? Well, the theme was magic and the table names were spells from HP. My table was Expelliarmus. Lol. Hya wanted to sit at the Avada Kedavra table. And she did! :D

Had mighty good fun with HS friends. Only one thing pissed me off - it was a formal attire debut and I was wearing semi-formal. Sheesh, why am I always a victim of dress codes? Ay, tsaka yung emcee kept mispornouncing HP terms and people's names. And I happen to notice that she's very fond of the word "lovely". Like, "... now let's meet her lovely brother, her lovely mom, her lovely sister.. isn't it lovely? Oh now let's applaud this lovely lady. Now, this lovely gift..." ROFLMAO.

Anyways, for some strange reason, had more fun than usual. Felt so at peace. It's nice. It's kinda like HS all over again.

Was part of 18 shots. Drank wine. Woohoo! Di ako nalasing, infernez. Tas became a proxy for Ashley who went home early. After the debut, photoshoot uli! Loveit. Loveit. Loveit.

It was half past midnight when I came home. Nakisabay kay Freya pauwi. Ang saya talaga. This is one of the loveliest days ever. Lovely, lovely, lovely. (nakakahawa yung emcee na yun! babatukan ko talaga yun! XD)

this song fits you more than it fits me

I adore Fallout Boy. So, here's another testimony that they know me personally. . .

Er, must cut back on the hallucinogens. Righto!

---

"Fame < Infamy"

I’m a preacher sweating in the pews
For the salvation I’m bringing you
I’m a salesman, I’m selling you hooks and plans
And myself making demands

When I’m home alone I just dance by myself
And you pull my head so close volume goes with the truth
Signing off "I’m alright in bed but I’m better with a pen"
The kid was alright but it went to his head

I am God’s gift but why would he bless me with
Such wit without a conscience equipped
I’m addicted to the way I feel when I think of you, woah
"There's too much green to feel blue"

When I’m home alone I just can’t stop myself
And you pull my head so close volume goes with the truth
Signing off "I’m alright in bed but I’m better with a pen"
The kid was alright but it went to his head

When I’m home alone I just can’t stop myself
And you pull my head so close volume goes with the truth
Signing off "I’m alright in bed but I’m better with a pen"
I’m alright in bed but I’m better with a pen
I’m alright in bed but I’m better with a pen
The kid was alright but it went to his head

of ice creams and sugar-coated marshmallows

Sense doesn't make sense lately.

---

Had a trip back to the past. It was fun, actually. Saw some people again and it's kind of refreshing for everybody to treat you exactly how you want to be treated.

---

HP is love. I forgive you, Dan. The kiss was totally just part of your job. I'll take you back now. Be my prince again.

---

I feel so... I have no idea. I blame the five bottles of Valium I basically snacked upon the past few days.

O.o

Kidding!

---

What happened this morning was very cleansing. I'll be doing it again and I'll get through the day. I just know it.

(What this is, feel free to comment and I'll gladly reply. Personally.)

---

Friday the thirteenth, here I come.

---

Contrapasso is one of my favorite words. In my world, it is a noun, an adjective, a verb and a sentence by itself.

Contrapasso means counter-suffering.

Contrapasso is self retribution.

I was wrong; I am my own contrapasso.

avoiding cracks, playing hopscotch on thin ice and living in between volcanoes

A bit of update: yes, I'm still alive. At least that's what I think. After selling my soul to the devil incarnate, I have finally emerged out of purgatorio. I have completed my contra passo and have outwitted the guardian of the light to allow me into heaven.

---

Here's my latest blog post on multiply. I love the way I wrote it.

http://ernicadarkchoco.multiply.com/journal/item/23

Feel free to comment. I need consoling, really. Special thanks to Josie and Kia who treated me ice cream and told me things I needed to hear. Yes, He is amazing.

---

And here's some shots I took from the adult-ish movie we filmed a while ago. It's starring me, of course. The flighty seductress.

It was fun, scary but I was game. Bring it on.

http://ernicadarkchoco.multiply.com/photos/album/69

PS I hope I can upload the vid on my multiply site some time. Let's just see.

ako naman ang gagawa ng konbersasyon

Bakit ka na naman umiiyak? Kaw talaga oh! Ayan ka na naman eh. Pero sige, labas mo lang yan. Kesa naman mabigat na naman yung nararamdaman mo at nakatulala ka na naman sa kawalan.

Buti na lang at sabi naman ng mga tao ay parang wala lang daw sa'yo. Kung alam lang nila... Haaay.

Ayokong nakikita kang nasasaktan. Karapat-dapat kang maging masaya. Marami kang napapasaya. Dapat ikaw din.

Ayos lang naman siguro kung hindi mo pa alam ang gusto mong mangyari. Ayos lang naman siguro ang maguluhan. Ewan, di ako nasa kundisyon para payuhan ka. Ako rin kasi naghihirap. Pero kahit naghihirap, eto pa rin, pinapasaya ka.

Ayos ka naman dati, di ba? Parang ganun lang, parang dati...

Ah, oo nga pala. Hindi ka rin masaya nun.

Ano ba kasi ang magpapasaya sa'yo? Wag mo sabihing sya. Nakakatakot kung iaasa mo ang kaligayahan mo sa isang tao. Bakit mo ba kasi kinalimutan yun?

Pasensya na at marami pa akong tanong, kitang ganyan ka.

O, tahan na. Kahit papano, siguro, mas magiging masaya ang bukas.

mahal ko na rin ang multiply...!

Love my new entries there. At least people react to it. Instant readership is love.

So, what was I going to do? Oh yeah, bitch more about life...

---

If there's one thing the past few month made me, it's less youknowwhat believe it or not.

And waterworks episodes like these definitely tone me down even more. I mean, every time I touch myself, I remember him touching me. So, I'd be depressed and all. Which is good because at least now, I equate youknowwhat with a negative thing.

It's like what that guy in Supersize Me said. The reason why we keep going back in fastfood places is because we equate going there with happy emotions and moments. For example, when we were kids, we'd be with mum and dad and we'd be bought a happy meal and all. So, there.

Then he says to himself that what he'll do is he'll hit his kid in the head every time they pass by a Mcdonald's. So the kid would only remember pain and suffering and such. And he'll loathe the place when he grows up? Possibly.

Nice mentality, eh?

I'll put that into practice.

Chastity, here I come.

another two weeks of crying here i come! yahoo!

Dahil masaya mabuhay.

Dahil marami akong pinagsisisihan sa mga ginawa ko.

Dahil ang mga katagang "it's too late" ay di lang para sa mga hospital drama.

Dahil natatanong ko sa sarili ko kung bakit di na lang parang dati.

Dahil sana nakokontrol ko ang apoy at kadiliman.

Dahil gusto ko mambura ng mga tao sa friends' list ko.

Dahil unti-unting nasisira ang buhay ko.

Dahil sanay na ako sa ganitong pagtrato kahit alam kong di dapat ako ganito tratuhin.

Dahil gusto ko lang.

Dahil ang kapatid ng dagang si Yuki na si Yuko ay pumasok sa kwarto.

Dahil sumasakit uli ang tiyan ko.

Dahil alam kong mag-uusap na naman kami ni Lord mamaya at magsisimula ang paghagulgol ko sa kanya ng "Lord, di ba..."

Dahil wala ako sa mood pumasok bukas kahit alam kong kailangan.

Dahil ayoko na ever pumuntang CMC library dahil sawa na ako maghintay dun.

Dahil kung anu-ano uli ang pumapasok sa isip ko.

Dahil gusto ko mawala ng ilang linggo, para hanapin ako ng mga tao kung hahanapin nga nila ako.

Dahil ang tanga-tanga ko.

Dahil nakakarma ata ako.

Dahil naasar ako sa'yo at sa kanila.

Dahil naasar ako sa sarili ko.

Dahil andami kong pinapasaya kahit ako gusto ko na talaga umiyak.

Dahil gusto ko matulog at hindi na gumising.

---

Paano kaya pag hindi na nga ako magising? Ano kaya gagawin mo? Laging mong tinatanong sa akin kung ano ang gagawin ko kung bigla kang mamatay. Dahil sinubukan mo, alam mo na ang sagot. Ako kaya, subukan ko?

Ako naman kaya ngayon?

now this is something i could actually relate to

First and foremost, I would like to suggest you guys to download and listen to the songs I post here. Why? 'Cause they're all good.

Now, here's something.

I love this song. Muse knows me. Personally. Really

---

TIME IS RUNNING OUT

-MUSE-

I think I'm drowning
asphyxiated
I wanna break the spell
that you've created

you're something beautiful
a contradiction
I wanna play the game
I want the friction

you will be
the death of me
yeah, you will be
the death of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
and our time is running out
you can't push it underground
we can't stop it screaming out

I wanted freedom
but I'm restricted
I tried to give you up
but I'm addicted

now that you know I'm trapped
sense of elation
you'll never dream of breaking this fixation
you will squeeze the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
and our time is running out
you can't push it underground
we can't stop it screaming out
how did it come to this

you will suck the life out of me

bury it
I won't let you bury it
I won't let you smother it
I won't let you murder it

our time is running out
and our time is running out
you can't push it underground
we can't stop it screaming out

how did it come to this

no, i just like this song

I like its beats. And I seem to be enjoying break-up and bitter songs lately. Is this a sign? *pulls out shovel and gun* No, silly. I'm not going to use it...

On myself, of course.

>:)

---

HOT HOT HEAT

Goodnight Goodnight
It's not enough to hear me say you've won
You only wanted me for having fun
But now I think you've gone and had your way
And left me with a pile of bills to pay
I can't even rewind the tape machine
To listen to your drunken reasoning
So here it is - your final lullaby

Goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
So goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So Goodnight

I've given up on social niceties
I threw 'em out when I threw out your keys
Along with all your records I can't stand
You never even listen to any one of them
You're never gonna drag me out again
With all the people that were never ever even your friends
So here it is - your final lullaby

Goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
So goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So goodnight

A little bit of rain I'd say is fair
But when it starts to thunder they all stare
This isn't goodnight, this is goodbye...

So goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
Goodnight, goodnight.
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life

Goodnight, goodnight
You're embarrassing me
You're embarrassing you
So Goodnight, goodnight
Walk away from the door
Walk away from my life
So goodnight

the omniscient and the omnipotent

Yeah, we'll take over the world someday.

The all-knowing, the all-controling, the all-doing.

What more can I say, really?

---

PS I hope hypnosis works. I badly need some brainwashing. That, or someone needs to build me a time machine.

i'll pretend last night didn't happen

I have the weirdest titles but I'm pretty sure you guys get the connection anyway.

However, this title is exactly the opposite of what this entry is all about.

... because it's the most wonderful thing, really. I kept raving about it the afternoon after. And there are some things that I just can't say 'cause I'm afraid that I might ruin it all.

But I want to, obviously.

Then, I can't.

So why am I even blogging about this?

Because I have hangovers.

It's the most addicting drug, really. I should go into rehab. Or not.

***

I'm scared for myself again. I told myself that I won't fall into the same trap anymore but I just can't help it.

'Cause it was just so wonderful. 'Cause he's just so wonderful. 'Cause this is just so wonderful... And I find myself wishing that wonderful would be forever. Then again, there is no such thing as forever and wishing it to be so would just make it nonexistent.

Then I find myself wishing that I hadn't been so redundant. I've been talking about this the past few days and I just can't seem to shut up. So maybe it is better to pretend that it didn't happen because doing so will give me the peace of mind that I need.

But then again, I'd rather have something fleeting and real than constant and mediocre.

Oh geez, I can't make up my mind now... and I'm talking troll!!!

***

Is it really true that there are things better left unsaid? Enlighten me.

then i suppose i'm just a lamp?!

*Sighs*

I think I'm too pretty for my own good. (Excuse the public display of vanity, people. Sometimes, a girl needs to exercise this prerogative.)

I've been living under a rock these past few months and I think it's about time that I crawl out of it.

I'm not a freakin' lamp that someone just can switch on and off, right? I need confirmation here, people. The worst  part is, lamps aren't even living things and I am. I have blood, bones, flesh and organs. I can die. I'm very capable of being hurt.

So I think it's about time people appreciate me for who I am, for what I can do. I'm human and I get tired too. I can't stay forever, as much as I want to.

"... and you can quote me on that!"

He said this with that proverbial smirk. About twice in an hour.

Goodness, like I could post the stuff he said here! MTRCB is monitoring my blog for chrissakes!

And little kids are part of my readership! I have no intention of stealing their precious innocence. No sir!

Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.

His highne Senpai's just stubborn sometimes.

something you should know

I thrive for a complicated life.

I love being the "undefined", the "this requires a long explanation".

Because, frankly said, I'm not that simple either. I can't be defined that easily.

I have the oddest wants and needs.

I love being thrown into imbroglios. I love the suffering, the drama and the pockets of hope and flashes of smiles in between.

I guess I'm just built that way.

I hope you understand that I'm just like this.

why i think people should enroll in etiquette class

Delikadesa - something a lot of people are forgetting/don't have.

I always thought it was just a kolehiyala thing but then, for social order and appearances, I now believe everyone needs it too. Not for being prude or plastic in any way, rather to not contribute to the discord in this already-chaotic society that we have.

Look boys and girls, when the person you love leaves you, do what you think will comfort you as long as you don't harm, annoy or disturb others in the process.

Think of it this way - shouting out your frustrations in the market/bulletin/whatever will only confirm that you are on the losing side. It means you're still affected. Who knows? That person may just be laughing at your efforts of sourgraping. Why not try to be indifferent? Indifference hurts more than angry words. Let me remind all of you that you all are living testimonies of that. (I know all your stories and this is just a suggestion; You won't lose your left leg if you try it.)

Fine, fine. I get it that we need to express ourselves. But we don't necesarilly have to do it in public, right?

If you posted a bulletin, a blog entry or a shout-out, I suggest you delete it. I'm only going to say this once. It makes you look pathetic. And I don't want any of my friends to be branded like that. I know you're all way better than that.

I get it that we have different styles of expression and moving on, but sheesh, I reiterate, do it with some control.

Have some delikadesa.

---

PS this entry is directed to three people in particular. I'm not sure if you guys read my blog, but if you do and you get to read this entry, I hope you won't get mad. I'm just concerned.

because your voice was the soundtrack of my summer

Hmm, a few metaphors that have made me wince, but other than that, quite a nice song.

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer.

That was too literal. And oh-so-true.

Here you are, Boys and Girls...

---

BOYS LIKE GIRLS LYRICS

"Thunder"

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried

I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder

Today is a winding road
Tell me where to start and tell me something I don't know
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today I'm on my own
I can't move a muscle and I can't pick up the phone
I don't know (I don't know, I don't know, I don't know)

And now I'm itching for the tall grass
And longing for the breeze
I need to step outside
Just to see if I can breathe
I gotta find a way out
Maybe theres a way out

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain

Yeah I'm walking on a tightrope
I'm wrapped up in vines
I think we'll make it out
But you just gotta give me time
Strike me down with lightning
Let me feel you in my veins
I wanna let you know how much I feel your pain

Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa

Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder, and I said
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
Oh baby bring on the pain
And listen to the thunder

a different kind of withrawal

Supposed to be writing film112 reaction paper and journ101's reading synopsis and preparing power suit for tomorrow's class under (yes, under) Sir Avecilla and browsing through Ma'am Holmes' readings and finishing script (which is taking a century to be transcribed). . .

But no. I am here for another complaint, another dictum that I need to exhaust.

So here I am.

In some sort of like/love withrawal. It's funny how the different forces at play eat your brain cells and morals up. It's like you want to care but you feel like it's so below you - but that just means that you don't (in the first place) because you just dismissed a desparate, personal suggestion.

Then you reminisce and all of a sudden you feel like fighting for making the feelings stay because taking the gamble means a chance at succeeding. Then you're scared so you don't take it.

Then you're back to where you were - feelings limbo. You feel the hugs, the kisses, even indulge in the sweet nothings but inside, you're on some autopilot of some kind. Like, you don't know what you're supposed to feel. Or if you should be feeling at all. Or if you should be called human, at the very least.

The only way out of this is if an outside force either hoists you up or pulls you down. You may be happy or not for whichever place you end up on but anywhere else would be better than some god-forsaken-vestibule of undiscovered feelings and forgotten passion.

mastering the art of feigning indifference

... because sometimes, you just have to pretend not to care. Or that you're not hurt or jealous or bitter.

Maybe because doing so is an affirmation that you have completely lost control of yourself and have thrown yourself at the mercy of someone or something.

However, what you're doing is just putting on a face, or rather, a mask. You're showing everyone how strong you are but in the end, what really matters is what you feel inside. You can hide behind several masks, new make-up, fashionable clothes, maybe even a haircut or highlights, well-polished nails and a loyal band of boys worshipping the ground you walk on, but really, those things won't really change what you feel inside.

Or maybe it would - in time.

As for me, I'm not doing it because I need a mask... I'm doing it to convince other people, because maybe, in the process, I'd convince myself.

"my mental age is..." survey critique

mental age critique

1. [x] I know how to make a pot of
coffee. (sige nga, starbucks?)
2. [ ] I do my own laundry. (not that you do, but can you?)
3. [x] I can cook for myself.
4. [x] I think politics are exciting. (if you think politics isn't exciting, it doesn't necessarily mean you're immature. it's just that you may have other interests. ang test of maturity d'yan ay kung aware ka ba at nakikialam. i mean, excited ka nga sa politics pero hanggang excitement lang pala...)
5. [x] My parents have better things to
say than my friends. (ang tanga rin nito kasi parents are not infallible. i mean, some of my greatest epiphanies come from my friends)
6. [x] I show up for
school/college/work
every day early. (so what kung early? thas one thing. but the Q is, do you step up and participate well?)
7. [x] I always carry a pen in my
pocket/purse. (sige paano pag magtae ang pen mo?)
8. [x] I've never gotten a detention (ano ngayon kung never?)
9. [x] I've watched talk shows. (anong klaseng talk shows ito?)
10.[x] I know what 'credibility' means
without looking it up. (duh.)
11.[x] I drink coffee at least once a
week. (ano ngayon? coffee ba ang basehan ng pagiging mature?)
12. [x] I know how to do the dishes. (eto gets ko pa)
13. [x] I can count to 10 in Chinese. (sige nga, aanhin mo yan?)
14. [x] When I say I'm going to do
something, I do it. (eto gets ko rin)
15. [x] My parents trust me.
16. [ ] I can mow the lawn. (pano pag wala kayong lawn, aber?! kasalanan mo ba yun? ibig sabihin di ka na mature)
17. [x] I can make adults laugh without
being stupid. (dude, why just the adults? why not the children as well? sense of humor doesn't equate to maturity although some studies say na it's related to IQ. but those are 2 completely dif things)
18. [ ] I remember to water my plants. (pano pag wala kayong plants?!?)
19. [x] I study when I have to. (pano pag di ka na nagaaral? how about the out of school youth?)
20. [x] I pay attention at
school/college. (hayy..)
21. [ ] I remember to feed my pets. (pano pag wala kang pets?)
22. [x] I can spell 'experience'
without looking it up (wow. pasado ka na sa grade two! congrats! ergo, mature ka na! *note the sarcasm*)
23. [x] I clean up my own mess. (no comment dito. profound ito kahit pano)
24. [ ] The first thing I do when I
wake up is get caffeine. (eto na naman tayo)
25. [x] I can go to the store without
getting something I don't need. (ano ngayon?)
26. [ ] I understand jokes the first
time they are said. (pano pag di mo narinig?)
27. [x] I can type quickly. (muli, ano ngayon?)
28. [ ] I have realized that the
weather forecast changes every hour. (so?)
29. [ ] I have realized that no one
will take you seriously unless you are
over the age of 25 and have a job. (go lang. be jaded. there are actually kids who are being taken more seriously than you are if you believe this)
30. [x] I can read a book and actually
finish it.

> (now add them all up)

Grand Total:
Re-post as, "My mental age is...."

comment ko pa: so what if you could do all these things? una kasi, define "mental age". does it mean maturity or what? kasi naman things posted here are those let's say, how society perceives the working class people and their habits and routines pero it doesn't necessarily mean na dahil ginagawa mo yung ginagawa nila ay ka-mental age mo na sila. it just means na pareho kayo ng routine. period. baka kasi nasanay ka na sa ganoong lifestyle or whatever. wag na nating gawan ng storya.

kung maturity lang rin namanang pag-uusapan, gusto ko lang i-share yung quote na nabasa ko. sabi nun na you're starting to mature when you start putting other people before you. tipong hindi na lang tungkol sa'yo ang lahat, etc. hindi ganun kasimple madetermine yan. at iba2 naman ang pagdevelop at pag-asenso natin bilang tao kaya kung mababa man ang nakuha mo sa sarbey na ito, wag ka magalala. hindi ibig sabihin na wala kang kwentang tao. :) marami ka pa ring pwedeng gawin sa mundong ito kahit hindi mo kapareho ang klase ng buhay ng mga taong sinasabi ng lahat ay "mataas ang mental age"

agree ba? :)

- nicai

wake up and smell the roses and shit

"I love you" contains eight letters...

But so does "bullshit".

(a quote from Aleli)
---

I've edited these grade school english grammar books last summer. And one of the lessons were about root words. We obviously know what that is, right?

So what's the root word of "reality"? If my grade school teacher taught me right, it is "real". And real can be interpreted in so many ways by many different people. Some say it's in direct proportion with the truth, but I disagree with that. Mostly because deception has been a very big part of my reality and a minute's worth of honesty is next to imposible.

What I have learned about "reality" so far is that it consists of the bitter and the sweet. And you never really get to appreciate the other side of it without falling trap to the other. It works that way, I guess. Must be nature's way of balancing out things.

So, "facing" reality must mean... well, facing it - offering your face to be slapped and carressed at the same time.

---

Personally, i've always prefered to live in my dreams, in my wishes. But I have to grow up, right? I need to wake up to smell the roses and smell the shit. No one's asking me to but I know this will make me stronger.

It will hurt. I will bleed. But the important thing is, I've freed myself of the bondage (sometimes sugar-coated with the sweetest words) and let loose the blindfold of ignorance and wishful thinking. Because reality isn't about the what-should-have-been and what-could-be. It's about what is and what's there.

There will always be things that you have always wished for and thought of that will never even take its place in our realm and there would always be those things that you have never imagined but happened anyways. The least we could do is accept these "realities" and make the most out of it.

It's practical, simple and logical.

It may hurt us, gladden us and even kill us.

But that's life.

You grow up and you learn.

You live in "reality" because that's the only "place" you can live. Really.

stand up, shout out and go completely mad

I should start standing up for myself, you know. (And i'm talking to myself here :p) I should stop letting people take advantage of me. It's called "abuse" for chrissakes!

I honestly think I lack conviction in what I do. This is just a remind of my vow last summer - I will speak out even if that means hurting a few loved ones along the way. I just can't keep on saying "yes" to everything that people ask me to do. I'm sorry, I'm not a martyr like some people are. I can't die for someone else. I'm not that selfless yet. I can sacrifice a bit but really, I should start taking care of me the right way and start owning up to my actions.

I need conviction in my life. Desperately, desperately need it.

I should not be ashamed to be mad or helpless or sad. I should cry whenever I feel like it. I should preach when I think it's necessary. I may not be always right and my timing may not be always perfect, but at least I didn't just bottle up all those emotions and thoughts. I think it's worse if I leave them locked up like that.

thank you, for calling me by my name and not my title

Okay, so I think a lot of people already know that I'm Queen Misanagi from the Edogawa Proboards and Fanfiction.net. But seriously, everytime i'm in the cbox of Knightus' site, everyone calls me "queen". It's my title! Not my name!

And then, yesterday, someone finally got it right!

(WARNING: READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP. IT'S HOW CBOXES WORK)

12 Jun 07, 10:26 Toichi: like this happens. I am telling you Kid can't die in such a lame way.

12 Jun 07, 10:25 Toichi: @Miro: You could wait right. Knightus said he can't guarantee when it would be released. And I agree with Misanagi what has Kid got to do with this. This would be Gosho's biggest flop if something

12 Jun 07, 10:20 Miro: Still no tranlastion out there yet`?

12 Jun 07, 09:13 queen misanagi: @ kuroneko: i agree. and it wasn't hinted that he was involved with akai's death at all..

12 Jun 07, 09:12 queen misanagi: goodness, what now? some conspiracy theory that KID died? dear me...

12 Jun 07, 09:08 Kuroneko: I think KID has nothing to do at this point of Akai's death.

12 Jun 07, 09:06 Kuroneko: that doesn't make sense. Why would KID disguise himself as Akai?

12 Jun 07, 09:02 Fog: oh, what? So Kid died? uhm, hadly say that i prefer Kid to Akai... i like them both

12 Jun 07, 08:52 huy: then akai/kid is unfaithful?? cuz in Kid it shows that he loves Inspector daugther,and Akai loves Shiho's sister?? o.o

12 Jun 07, 08:39 Lik: Hic hic, can neone translate the file 611 into Eng, plz???

12 Jun 07, 08:13 Baka1412: a moment b4 the car explosion, he flew with black gantole ^^

12 Jun 07, 08:10 Baka1412: if akai in the car explosion isn't KID, then akai must have learn some magic trick from toichi kuraba ^^

12 Jun 07, 08:02 Toichi: If Akai was really Kid in disguise than how does that guy know about Gin and Porsche356A. Or I didn't hear this properly. --- Thank you, Toichi!!! And thanks to Knightus Maximus, of course, for this clip. Don't forget to visit his site for the latest DC manga scanlation! http://conan.wagnergrp.com/ Ja!

but i guess this song says it all

Shiver by Maroon 5 album: Songs About Jane (2002)

You build me up You knock me down Provoke a smile And make me frown You are the queen of runaround You know it's true You chew me up And spit me out Enjoy the taste I leave in your mouth You look at me I look at you Neither of us know what to do There may not Be another way to your heart So I guess I'd better find a new way in I shiver when I hear your name Think about you but it's not the same I won't be satisfied ‘til I'm under your skin Immobilized by the thought of you Paralyzed by the sight of you Hypnotized by the words you say Not true but I believe ‘em anyway So come to bed It's getting late There's no more time for us to waste Remember how my body tastes You feel your heart begin to race There may not Be another way to your heart So I guess I'd better find a new way in I shiver when I hear your name Think about you but it's not the same I won't be satisfied ‘til I'm under your skin Feel your heart begin to race! There may not Be another way to your heart So I guess I'd better find a new way in And I shiver when I hear your name Think about you but it's not the same I won't be satisfied ‘til I'm under your skin There may not Be another way to your heart So I guess I'd better find a new way in And I shiver when I hear your name Think about you but it's not the same I won't be satisfied ‘til I'm under your skin

this is us, in retrospect

I have always chosen princes over frogs. It isn't in my nature to show sympathy nor mercy to those poor, desperate beings who try to intrude into my well-guarded fortress. I didn't really need anything, really... I had the best things in life. I had everything, even those I didn't ask for, was handed in flying, sparkling platters. And I thought my life was perfect. I thought I was perfect. I was happy and content inside my fortress.

This almost fictional fortress, as many of you may have already guessed, is that organ that beats non-stop. It allows blood, tears, poison and that sickening, sickening drug called "love" to flow into your veins and consume your whole being. It envelopes your soul with memories and longing, it strangles you with such intensity but in the end, you end up breathing life into your system.

So, what about it, eh?

How come it never penetrated my fortress if it's all that.

Or maybe it already did.

---

The princes I have mentioned came through the back door. They didn't really enter the right way. And they were past-times, mere playthings that i have laughed at as they have indulged me with sweet nothings.

Then came a crusader, who hid his royalty behind shabby clothes, poetic crap and raised eyebrows. He told me I was screwed. He taught me that I can't always have what I want. He seduced me into wanting things I didn't really like.

"I should work in advertising..." he even said once.

He has done many different things that the other princes didn't even consider. And from his lessons, I have learned that you can't always have your way and that it's idiotic to think that you could only be happy if you have the best thing - because there are no bests. And in those moments when I'm with him, moments that I still consider to be distinct times when madness and clarity clash, I have discovered that I could be perfectly content with the next best thing.

I'd be forever thankful for the epiphanies I have shared with him. However, in the light of my new life, I have forgotten that he too, is in need of salvation.

So unexpectedly, my dark and brooding charmer, fell into a serious state of cognitive dissonance. I lost him.

Then he comes. Then he goes. Then he comes again.

Then I was tired.

But I promised myself that I wouldn't give up on him. He showed me goodness, and that's what I should give back.

But I find it stupid sometimes. It annoys me when I think that I can be compared to that stupid maiden in A Lover's Complaint.

And it makes me question my newfound beliefs. Why do I settle for the next best thing?

---

When the handsome young prince came for the maiden, why did she reject him? I used to think she was plain stupid but now, I think I get her somehow. Yeah, pathetic as it may sound.

This was her reply:

O that infected moisture of his eye,

O that false fire which in his cheek so glow'd,

O that forc'd thunder from his heart did fly,

O that sad breath his spongy lungs bestow'd,

O all that borrowed motion seemingly ow'd,

Would yet again betray the fore-betray'd, And new pervert a reconciled maid!

And it might as well have been mine.

balikatrin mo man ang mundo, kolehiyala pa rin ako...

I wanted to say so many things, but then I suddenly didn't feel like it.

Monsters from my past have resurfaced. I thought I've gotten rid of them but I guess the farther you run, the sooner they catch up. (Don't ask me how) Pero di bale na, whatever happens, I'd still end up victorious. A friend of mine used to say that if you fail, don't think of yourself as a failure. And I've been starting to think that way lately. I know I've done a lot of mistakes in my past, some intentional, some just plain stupid.

And I've ran anway from some of them. I thought, what's the point of facing something I know would hust me?

But then, in those moments of pain, that's when i have my little moments of epiphany. With God's help, of course.

---

Some people still try to hurt me. I don't blame them but honestly, some of them are just plain whacked for attacking an innocent girl who just wants a better life and a better nation.

No, I'm not that kind who attacks or retaliates. What I do is hold my head up high and handle things with grace, a bit of pride and delikadesa.

I'm still so greatful to be me. I love me!!! :D

(Pasensya na, lately, I'm all about me, I've been fixing my life and sorry if I haven't been letting anyone be too close or whatever. I've put up walls again, so I could heal and reflect and redempt.)

must love break-ups

Thanks to Bamboo, I'm seeing break-ups in a whole new light!

Check out their new song, 50 ways to leave your lover.

---

Album: We Stand Alone Together
Original Artist: Paul Simon

“The problem is all inside your head”, she said to me
The answer is easy if you take it logically
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover

She said it’s really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be lost or misconstrued
But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

[Chorus]
Just slip out the back, Jack
Or make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Oh, hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free

She said it grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again
I said I appreciate that and could you please explain
About the fifty ways

She said why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you’ll begin to see the light
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover
Fifty ways to leave your lover

[Chorus 2]
Slip out the back, Jack
Or make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Oh, hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free