admit it

"But It's Better If I Do"

Now I'm of consenting age to be forgetting you in a cabaret.
Somewhere downtown where a burlesque king may even ask my name
As he sheds his skin on stage
I'm seated and sweating to a dance song on the club's P.A.
The strip joint veteran sits two away
Smirking between dignified sips of her dignified peach and lime daiquiri

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh, isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

But, but I'm afraid that I
Well, I may have faked it
And I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

Well, I'm afraid that I
Well, that's right, well I may have faked it
And I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh, isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

Well, I'm afraid that I
Well, I may have faked it
And I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

Well, I'm afraid that I
Well, that's right, well I may have faked it
And I wouldn't be caught dead in this place

And isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety
Oh, isn't this exactly where you'd like me
I'm exactly where you'd like me, you know
Praying for love in a lap dance and paying in naivety

Praying for love and paying in naivety
Praying for love and paying in naivety, oh

-panic at the disco-

panawagan

why is it that everytym i want to write something happy, something awful happens and i'm compelled to write about that tragedy.

latest of course, is about my computer. it crashed. the files were corrupted. everything, honey! as in. poof! 6 years of hard work and memories were forever lost in technical oblivion. don't start preaching aboyt back-up. you don't know how hard it is to deal with a computer like mine. it's consatntly sick and totally independent. .it secluded itself from the rest of .... the world? something like that. it's really har dto explain. basta walang back-up.

hay. 100++ na poems. drafts of my two novels (theatre of tragedy and two kingdoms), memoirs of stc days, reports, monologues, buk i wrote for sibika, scripts i wrote both for theater (own version of phantom, merchant act 5, human version of gentlemen of the jungle, misfit) and TV (my KNN eps, seniors ball d movie) mga favorite stories, essays or refelctions n pinagawa at tinago ko, sandamukal n pix ko, mg apaboritong anime, write-ups, notepad diary, slideshow presentation simula nung patay na patay pa ako kay dan r....lahat.....................all of them.......as in lahat................NAGLAHO!

feel ko tuloy im losing my identity (kala nio religion sasabihin ko noh!) feel ko may amnesia ako. im slowly forgetting who i was. who i am. i very much like who i was one year ago. and i very much like to stay like that. you have to hate change sometimes. malay. adjusting p rin b ang tawag d2? parang ang unfair. unlike some of my contemporaries, i have to adjust more. maraming nwala sa buhay ko. mga tao, bagay, hayop, lugar. lahat. feel ko dapat gumawa ako ng bagong tao. malay. naninibago lng tlga ako. sa skul ng alng malaking adjustment na, nakakadishearten lng na sa bahay, adjusting p rin. lahat ng nakasanayan ko, parang wala na.

kaya ng afeel ko, wala na akong sense of who i am. ung bagong katulong pa namin, di ko katimpla sa music. ung mga korni ung pinakikinggan. wla lng. napansin ko lang and nabother ako kc familiar nrn ako sa mga baduy na songs. yep i admit. spoiled brat ako and high maintenance pa. eh gnun ako eh. gusto ko un. aioko magbago kahit sabihin ng mga tao na di maiiwasan ang pagbabago. eh mas masaya ako sa ganung katauhan eh. mas natural ako. mas napapakisamahan. di ako umiiyak gabi2. higit sa lahat, minahal ako ng mga tao dhl gnun ako. d nmn ng lahat ngtao pero ung pagmamahal at pagkakaibigan na binigay ko sa iba, naibalik sa akin.

bakit pa nga ba ako nagrereklamo? simple. sa sobrang freedom sa UP, natatakot ako sa mga nadidiskubri ko tungkol sa sarili ko..pero aun nga. pag total freedom pa, walang pumipigil skn.

miss ko na ung taong sinasamba at dino-diyos. miss ko na ung taong pinagtatwanan lng ung mga masamang nangyayari sknya. miss ko na ung taong bumabangon ng mai ngiti at hinaharap ang araw ng may galak sa kanyang puso. miss ko na ung taong masipag, mabilis magtrabaho, mapagkakatiwalaan. miss ko na ung taong nirerespeto at tinitingala ng iba. miss ko na ung taong makakausap mo kht san man tungkol yan. miss ko n aung baliw. miss ko ung peacemaker na troublemaker din. miss ko n ung madalas mademonyo pero madalas parang anghel din. miss ko na ung mahilig gumimik at tumambay kung san2. miss ko na ung taong napaka-enthusiastic about life at di nauubusan ng ideas. miss ko na ung taong alam ang limitasyon niya. miss ko n aung taong tatanga-tanga minsan pero pag humirit, lahat mapapatulala. miss ko na ung taong mahilig magyabang at magfeeling. (ay w8, and2 p nmn ata un) miss ko na ung taong nakangiti lagi at di takot sabihin ang gusto niayng sabihin. miss ko na ung taong mas pipiliin magising at gumalaw kaysa matulog at maglakbay sa nakakaraan. miss ko ang nag-iisang taong minahal ko sa loob ng 16 na taon.

miss ko na si ernica.

alam nio ba kung asan xa? ipaalam nio nmn skn asap. kailangan ko xa ngayon.

the deal with names

mai cnend sa akin about sa names... ang freakish! totoo xa! tipong, if ur name starts with (letter), most probably, ur like this...

so ung sken, ernica d b? tsaka nicai? so 'e' at 'r'... (hindi ko nmn gnagamit lagi ang 'maria' eh...) at ito ung resulta skn...

Does your name begin with: E
Your greatest need is to talk. If your date is not a good listener, you have trouble relating. A person must be intellectually stimulating or you are not interested sexually. You need a friend for a lover and a companion You hate disharmony and disruption, but you do enjoy a good argument once in a while-it seems to stir things up. You flirt a lot, for the challenge is more important. But once you give your heart away, you are uncompromisingly loyal. You will fall asleep with a good book. sometimes, in fact, you prefer a good book to a lover)

-

Does your name begin with: N
You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you Throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all-consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of energy is inexhaustible. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You also enjoy mothering your mate. You often have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your head. You are very imaginative.

o d b? 220??? freakish!

kung gusto niyo malaman ung sa inyo, email/txt nio lng ako... :) nskn ung list. finorward lng din skn sa email... un lng!