Tuesday, February 27, 2007

oculus

OCULUS



-kudou souichiro's soliloqy-





don't blame me if i was seduced by the moon. i have only my destiny as a scapegoat. your blood runs through mine and the bond is undeniable. you feel it too, don't you, father? you keep denying it but i see it in your eyes. your eyes never lie, father. it's as obvious as a murderer's alibi. and you know very well that i can see through those...





you never gave me a chance. i was always in the shadows of your deductions, in the light of your shames and sorrows. you never told me how to stand in my own pedestal.





don't blame me if i choose to be infamous. don't blame me if the blood that flows in my veins is the same blood of the thief you loathe most. don't blame me if i become him. don't blame me for my flight, for these silver wings that i always had.





see me disappear behind the moon, father. watch me fly with your eyes that you brag of. i only wanted you to be proud of me and if you can't grant me that, i'm left with no choice but to become the person you hate the most







-from the fanfic 'resurrection'-



 

Monday, February 26, 2007

gravity, why can't we...

took the blasted kas exam a while ago. ephy (K4) ate ponce and kuya mark u (JCers) passed by my classroom to cheer me! yay! i love them all! :)

kuya dano gave me tortillas! ate abby V agreed that i can take a bite (?) of her palabok!

kuya gelo bought me an eclair a while ago! yay! *smiles* from resurrection)

at the office, they bought me spaghetti!

good people still exist... it's not true that gravity dragged souls to hell or something like that... so many good things are still happening. look around. and yeah, gravity's one of them (however evil it may seem)

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

of taros, politicians, internet research and tiyakads...

still ain't reviewing for film test. gomen. brain is damaged from info overload and i think it affected my respiratory system somehow. translation: had an asthma attack yesterday. i wasn't able to go to my morning classes and that included arnis. dratz.

spent the time in the tambayan instead. it's already campaign pd here in peyups (UPD) and all your sense will tell you so. the smell, sight and touch of everything is different. as if it's tainted with the disease i like to call politics.

yeah, people from alyansa, standup, isa, etc. were even visiting tambayans and stuff like that. i was with ate laurice, ate ivy and kuya gelo when people from alyansa went in our tambayan to campaign.

when they left, kuya said something like, "...the outside is already full of beaurocrats. i don't want more inside."

heck, i absolutely loathe politics. it was one of the things that held me back from running for office. a lot of people say that i'm a great leader and all (esp during groupworks) but i'm a rebel and having a rebel as a leader means anarchy. or something close to that.

going home, i bought taro at ersao banawe. hehe. besides politics, taro is something that i never tried to fathom. it tastes good and that's all i care about.

okay, i may seem like an indifferent biatch but i have a whole other set of things i'm passionate about. politics isn't just one of them. so-rreh.

it (politics) seems such a stupid basis for social apathy. seriously. "if i don't care about politics, i don't care about my country?" well yeah there is an undeniable link of politics to governance and society per se but that also doesn't mean that it's the only factor that makes or breaks my country.

forgive me for my bluntness. i just feel extremely annoyed by all this politics talk that i have to stop shutting up at times. i choose not to think about things i don't care about, you see. it may seem selfish but that's the way i am. aren't we all? besides, fathoming politics is like fathoming the very concept of goodness and evil, or the contents of taro.

moving on, another thing that bothered me is internet research. back in my day, i used books to research. it's exhausting and inefficient but heck it's a whole lot cheaper. my bros use internet now. i screamed that i survived GS and HS without an internet so they should too. it's a bit selfish of me but i think it's promoting laziness. i mean, just click on something and it's there. there's no venue to absorb and appreciate the info you get. that's just my opinion. then again, i may just be bitter that i went through life hating and not having the convenience of internet.

fourth subject in question: tiyakad. it's JC week and we would be needing tiyakads for our sport fest. so i went back to stc to borrow some pairs. (i have to go back again tomorrow to talk to mrs. bayle, fyi.)

i saw there were other poeple as well like sir castillo (who asked where i study now and what course i take.)

"ah sa UP. ung naka (imitates oble then rants about college life.) ..."

:p

Thursday, February 15, 2007

curse not lifted yet

somebody hates me. i'm pretty sure about that now. i seriously feel like someone's put a curse on me or something.



this is my second, consecutive day of my bad luck days. am i expecting for more bad luck days? i don't wish it but i remain "cautiously optimistic".



stuff that happened today



  • woke up late ergo, i have to commute


  • crossed Q ave alone (near rotonda part)


  • i arrived in plaridel hall around lunch time. no one's in the journ dept (not my dept, btw) and lib was sort of closed (the computers were turned off!) and the thing is, i have to print something. i was supposed to meet someone in AS at one and i was terribly late so i had to apologize and resched the appointment.


  • first toki jeep just passed me. garr. ergo, i was late for the ACEP (acle of CSSP orgs)


  • i had nowhere to sit in CSSP AVR. i sat in the ledge and when someone finally left, i sat in her seat and it turns out to be in that place that the aircon sort of dominates...


  • long line at the bank and i had to withraw. oh, and one of the atm machines weren't working.


  • ate siomai gave me the wrong change. i only noticed when i was finished eating.


  • ma'am jazmines backed out from the beat talk so i had to contact some other person...gaaar.


  • i totally forgot about borrowing the tiyakad thing. *mentally strangles self*


  • mom was mad that i was hesitant in doing her paper. doi. i have enough papers to work on at the moment!


  • ouran high host club vcd --- stil missing! *cries*


  • currently have a backache.


i am totally screwed. my life is soooo messed up - for real this time. looks like it's hell quarter all over again!

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

brain cells massacre

seriously, it's out of my hands. this day is one of the worst days of my life.

seriously.

things that happend today:
  • fim100 test was cancelled = another week of agony, the constant prodding of the academic conscience to review, a heavy weight on my heart, mind, body, soul...

  • rained. left my umbrella at the tambayan. by the time i got it, it stopped raining. oh, and i was late for class.

  • lost the game for geog. bummer.

  • art stud report was a disaster. (it was some sort of surprise report for chrissakes!) "some report!" our prof even said and i seriously wanted to walk out. thankfully i didn't get any sleep the night before so i didn't have the energy to rebel and revolt.

  • watched the movie "in my father's den" at cine adarna alone. sniff. sniff. i got separated from my blockmates somehow... but it was okay. i got to focus more on the film. it's really good, btw.

  • bumped my head on the car's: dashboard, window and window roller thinggy on the way home.

  • when i got home i found out that my bro forgot to bring the ouran high host club vcds. and i was sooo looking forward to that.

  • as of ... exactly right now, me mom is forcing me to write her critique paper. i have to read 20 pages of gibberish before writing the paper, of course. she said, "basta bukas tapos na yan ah! gandahan mo!"


ERGO...

i feel like lacing everyone's cups with potassium cyanide - i mean, permanganate. seriously.

seriously?

SERIOUSLY.

since the world, all its people and its circumstances are all plotting to kill my brain cells, might as well do a counterattack.

seriously?!

SERIOUSLY!!!

cheers. here's to the great murderers, gentlemen / phantom thieves and anarchists!

Monday, February 12, 2007

for the wait to expire

count down to test:





a day left ?





and i'm not reviewing as seriously as i wanted to.





i blame the school-house proximity, or lack of it.





it's not my fault that i'm just a growing kid with needs, ne? and i'm human enough to be tempted. (yes, i am human. after months of doubting, i finally confirmed...)





maa, happy hearts' day to all!

Friday, February 9, 2007

illegal

writing in this blog is illegal.





know why? i'm grounded. i'm banned from everything that ignites a miniscule sparkle of happiness in my barren, misunderstood life. that includes school. you heard it right! i'm grounded AND not allowed to go to school. my old high school classmates know about this eccentric rule of my parents. when i'm grounded, it meands i really am GROUNDED = not allowed to leave house AT ALL.





why?





two words: band fest. (or is it just one word?)





i forgot to ask permission cause i was busy the whole week with school activities and exams and press con and more plugging and interviews and photo shoots and blogging and reviewing and chatting and youtubing (ouran high) and proboarding (edogawa) and scheming up world domination. how am i supposed to include "ask permission from mom to attend bandfest" in that, huh?





besides, we're not exactly on speaking terms. yeah, mom and i stopped talking a few months ago. it started with.. well, let's not go to that but the point is, how can you even ask permission to someone you don't even talk to or hardly see? yeah, when i wake up, she's gone and she arrives late enough for me not even to catch a glimpse of her. well, during those times that i do catch her, since we're not talking, it's still pointless.. anyways, i just don't get how come i'm suddenly seen as the proverbial cause of  delay, disaster and.. diarrhea?



lol i'm so angsty right now, i'm annoying myself. oh crap, i'd laugh about this tomorrow...



ja ne!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

i'm the narrator and this is just the prologue

i'm one of those people, who believe that blogging is for random, incoherent thoughts and not a place where you vividly describe every single, pathetic (or not) thing that happened in your day.

ideas are more exciting though the occassional story, as long as it's worth sharing, soices things up. so i hope everyone understands that all i do in this blog is rant. i'm not expecting everyone to agree with my opinions but at least i caught your ineterest, ne?

geez i'm still surprised that people are reading the stuff i wrote here. can you comment if you're actually reading? 'cause it shocks me when people suddenly walk up to me (well, at least they're people i know)  and laugh and tell me that my most recent post has been hilarious or oddly informative.

maa, maa, maa, don't be surprised if i use jap terms in my blog as well. i've been studying nihongo lately. mind you, i was ms.japan in pre-school! okay, that was off-beat. next!

i promise to be more profound. it's something i've been trying to do. he used to tease me with...okay, let's not go into that.

but i knew he was being sarcastic.

i wish i'd see him tomorrow. let's wait and see. ja ne!

Monday, February 5, 2007

bad roll

shitty start of day. i probably flunked my kas1 "quiz". darn it. and i'm like a deity of history. this is unacceptable. then i skipped arnis - one of my fave subjects, mind you.

photography wasn't bad. for the first time ever, i had a good roll. yippee!

then i suddenly i found myself contemplating short-term things and how i look and take life by the day. that's supposed to be bad but i'm not sure. i feel freer thinking this way. as if everything's supposed to be this way.

---

Sunday, February 4, 2007

amalgam

UP's a bad influence. i used to be so studious, so responsible... now, all i want to do is finish my fanfic and chat with other DC freaks at the edogawa proboards (detective conan forum). i have two reports to submit and a history test tomorrow. so i really don't know why i'm in this site.

i miss being me.

---

i really don't get why people think i'm happy all the time. yeah, i'm hyper and giddy and jovial but deep inside, i'm extremely quiet. hard to believe, eh? let's just say that i choose to be noisy "outside" so i can forget how quiet it is inside. yes, the silence scares me. and yes, this implausible silence is caused by a vaccum, a void. i couldn't even hear my own heart beating. or maybe it stopped working. maybe i'm supposed to be dead.

---

no sleep again tonight.

---

i don't know where i stand sometimes.

---

i'm dead tired. if you're not, then good for you. go bake a cake or something.

---

i still drink milk and i'm not getting any taller. i used to care but now, i don't. that's the fun of being in college.

---

i wish the test tomorrrow would include the question, "so, what have you written in your blog last night?" or better yet, "who is the alter ego of conan edogawa? bonus: what is the real name of kaitou KID?"

---

geog bonus question: what is the name of dora's monkey friend. seriously!

---

i feel so... i'm not sure. i'm so melancholic lately. maybe it's the weather. yeah, it's just that. i hope it's just that.

Saturday, February 3, 2007

KABATAAN XPRESS

ui guys! nagbabalik na kami --- ang KNN o Kabataan News network at nasa KAPAMILYA STATION NA KAMI! OO!! SA ABSCBN!!!! :)





starting feb.10, saturday, 7:50am!!!!







WAG KAKALIMUTAN MANUOD!!!! PAKIPASA ANG MAGANDANG BALITA!!!

just plain whacked

this is more of a comment than a blog.

anyways, so that's it. i'll stay true to my word. i swore off guys and i'm doing it. right now, the concepts of crush, lust, love, admiration and desire are just plain whacked. whacked meaning bleak. whacked meaning i don't care. i really don't.

don't get me wrong - i'm not bitter about anything. in fact, i still believe there is such a thing as destiny.