when you hold on to something as trivial as a water bottle

so i welcome my sixth day in this fortress as a prisoner.

i never wanted things to be this way.

---

we went to pangasinan's hundred islands last weekend. well, we didn't visit each of the hundred, but only three - governor's (where PBB's teen ed chose as the location for their final weeks), quezon's and children's.

i was bitching about how i never wanted to go, obviously. i was supposed to be in the hospital that day, going through some tests. my dad reasoned out that they planned the trip early on and it would all go to waste if i don't come.

yeah, right.

so i therefore conclude that my parents' enjoyment and trip is more important than my health. some hierarchy of priorities they have, huh?

---

on the way to the islands, i was holding on to my empty water bottle real tight. i was going to the islands not to swim but to fill the water bottle with sand...

three guesses why.

i wanted to cry the whole trip but i have to put up a happy and er, angry face in front of my parents.

three more guesses why. ;)

---

later that afternoon, my informant finally contacted me. the info my informant gave confirmed my fears.

and as the waves washed over me (yeah i let myself float and yeah, i ended up in another island) i thought and thought and thought.. (haha kala niyo madrama karugtong noh?)

but seriously, i reflected and it was like some sort of retreat, actually.

wala lang.

napag-isip2 ako.

i still feel bad and i still equate myself to a lost soul but i'm glad i had my epiphanies.

what they are is none of anyone's business.

hehe.

or maybe it is...

hmm...

let's wait and see